5 things that I wish were socially acceptable...but aren't

Society is lame and has dumb rules.  Here are 5 things that society should be down with but they aren't.  I ordered them in least likely to become a reality to most likely to become a reality.


1. Indoor Pantslessness


I'm just going to say what everyone is always thinking.  Pants are a HUGE burden and completely impractical!  They don't offer support like briefs.  They don't supply breathing like boxers.  So what are they for?  Why Pants?  I recognize that they protect humans from bugs and weather and probably dogs and stuff so I guess the real question is "Why pants indoors?"

  In an ideal culture/future, you will walk into a fancy restaurant and some Jeeves guy will say, "May I take your pants sir?"  You will slip them off and he will go hang them in the pants room and you can actually ENJOY your Grand Slam breakfast for once without the burden of eating with your pants on.

2.Heelys for All

Close your eyes and imagine something with me.  Or, I guess read this: You are late for class and there is a quiz!  Oh no!  What should you do?  Hours of reality TV and corn nuts have made you incapable of running for more than 40 yards without becoming VERY winded and it's not like you have tiny wheels in your shoes that allow you to---- Wait a minute!  You DO have tiny wheels on your shoes and you live in a society that accepts the fact that having little wheels on your shoes is: 
1) practical
2) awesome
3) super cool
4) convenient
5) fun
6) efficient
7) mighty deece
Seven THINGS!!!!
Not convinced?
Imagine attending a board meeting where everyone is 5 minutes early because they traveled so efficiently on tiny wheels on their shoes.  Imagine the U.S. military traveling twice as fast while using half the energy as they roll down the streets of Kabul.  NOT in a tank but on desert camo heelys.  America's enemies are petrified and surrender their weapons in exchange for this awesome technology. 
Wow!  Nobel Prize!  In a world of uncertainty it's nice to know one thing is certain: Heelys for All = World Peace

3.  Swirly back cowlick hairdo

At the turn of the millennium, some really cool, SUPER POWERFUL guy with a cowlick on his forehead started to tell people that having a cowlick on your forehead was mighty deece.  People believed him and have been molding little ski jumps out of their hair ever since.

 I wish the same thing would happen with the  swirly back cowlick.  I wish preppy kids would spend time each morning making the majority of their hair go one way and then some hairs in the back really flat and go the opposite way of all the other hairs.  We need someone to rise up and be the back cowlick champion.  But is there anyone deece enough to convince the world that having a little swirly cowlick thing on the back of your head is cool?

























This guy?

4.  Wear Cut off Sweats


















I realize that I will unfortunately, most likely, sadly never live to see an Indoor pantslessness society.  But, I am willing to compromise.  If you insist "society" on me wearing clothes, don't insist on them being uncomfortable.  Some Mr. Darcy long ago decided that the more uncomfortable your clothes, the more important and deece you are.
 Clothes person:  You want to look hip?  Here are some jeans that will be hard to put on and cut off the blood circulation in your legs." 
Lay person: "That sounds really uncomfortable."
Clothes person: "More than you can imagine."
Lay person: "Perfect!  I'll take four pair!"

 Mr. Mac Clothes Person:You have a job interview?  Here, wrap this fabric around your neck and make a BIG knot...Good now cinch it up tight on your Adam's Apple. 

Lay Person: This makes it really hard to breath and talk
Mr. Mac Clothes Person: "I know, right!  You are going to do GREAT in your interview."

Practical Alternative:  wear cut off sweat pants.  Everyone knows there is a strong correlation between more cut off sweat pants and:
1)less road rage
2)less complaining
3)more courtesy
4)more brotherly love
All these advantages (probably even more if scientists weren't so lazy about the research) would be ours if we just wore the most comfortable thing besides nothing which is of course cut off sweat pants. 
 If society would just focus on FEELING deece instead of LOOKING deece we would BE more deece. 




5. Listening to "Weird Al" Yankovic

 Weird Al is like Trick or Treating.  You hit a certain age (12 for me) and as much as you'd love to continue liking awesome things, society says "NO!  You're too old Peter Pan"  But let's be honest and reasonable here.  Is Weird Al funny?  Is Weird Al talented?    Do you remember UHF?  Wouldn't society be better if we listened to less songs about the club not being able to handle us right now and setting fire to the rain and more songs about eating too much pizza and pet ducks?


There are tons of other stuff that society should embrace but this is all I have for now.